B4 Weigh In

I was online one day and saw this from one of the posters. I died laughing, so I just had to post it. You will trip out on how true some of this stuff is.

On your weigh-in date:

Before leaving home:

• Nurse the baby (I skip this one most of the time since I don’t have a baby)
• Remove nail polish.
• Clip fingernails and toenails (to the quick!)
• Pop all pimples
• Tweeze all unwanted hair from face
• Shave legs, underarms and every other part of body
• Loofah to remove dead skin
• Remove ribbon from hair
• Get a hair cut
• Blow nose
• Clean lint from belly button and jam from between toes
• Pee
• Poo
• Weigh clothing and dress accordingly
• Have appendix, tonsils and wisdom teeth removed, they are not needed and just take up weight
• DO NOT SWALLOW AGAIN UNTIL AFTER WEIGH-IN, carry a cup to spit in!

Upon arrival at Weight Watchers

• Pee
• Carefully examine body for anything which might be removed including warts and moles
• Remove hand lotion and makeup
• Remove contacts
• Remove unnecessary ‘hidden’ articles of clothing
• Blow nose again
• Pee again – at least try!
• Remove shoes, work ID badge, jewels, belt, socks, suspenders, etc.
• Empty all pockets.
• Can you pee again? If so, go
• Time it so that you weigh right after the person who has had an unearned gain; chances are that person got all the free-floating fat
• Slowly step on the scale
• Hold both arms straight and reach for the ceiling
• Pray
• Exhale completely; don’t forget there is air held in your lungs that usually doesn’t get expelled; find someone to hit you in the chest hard enough to ‘knock the air out’ of you

After weigh-in

• Catch your breath
• Blame the results on whoever you can
• Get dressed
• Retrieve dignity
• Sit down and stay for the meeting.
• Learn something new.