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Be Scared. Then do it anyway!

 

Sometimes ya just gotta look fear in the face and say screw it….then do it anyway!

 

It’s no secret that doing this blog scared the pee outta me.  I mean…seriously….I’ve been “working on it” for over a year.  I found every reason to not launch it.  Basically, I wanted to keep hiding and just not say anything.

 

I was scared of what people would say.  Not everyone, but people that knew about my previous blog?  Yeah, them.  I thought everyone would say, “Here we go again.  She’s never done it before and she’s not going to do it now.”

 

Once I stopped giving a shit about what others would think, the self doubt came in full force.

 

What if I’m sharing too much?  What if no one pays attention?  What if no one cares?  What if what I want to do…..doesn’t work?  What if it doesn’t help anyone?  What if I’m just wasting my time?

 

My mind was going a mile a minute.

 

After a major tear and snot filled meltdown, I said, “Screw it!   Bump what they say!  I’m scared as hell, but I’m just gonna to do it anyway!”

 

Within that week, I was just about ready to launch.

 

That’s when the epic freak out stormed in.  I was so scared, I couldn’t sleep.

 

I didn’t sleep for like 38 hours.  Baby, I was so sleepy that I was delirious.  It was so bad  I swore I started hearing colors.  I finally couldn’t think straight and had to force myself.  Three Tylenol PMs later, I passed out.

 

When I woke up 15 hours later, I knew I had to just do it.  I had to launch it.  It was taking too much of my effort.  It wasn’t even ready, but I launched it.

 

Truth be told, it’s still not done.  But, it’s up.  And because it’s up, it’s making me face my fears and just keep going.

 

I was blown away at the response.  I only showed it to about 50 people.  Not even my close people knew.  The ones that saw it went crazy!

 

It was an outpouring of love and support.  It blew me away.  Maybe I was buggin’ out.  Maybe I was putting more into it than I should have.

 

Hearing them made me say, “Mik, chill out and just launch the damn thing!  You’re coming from a good place and that’s enough!”

 

So, I did it.  I launched it and told my people.  I posted it to my personal page and my fanpage.  Even more love and support came.  But, I was still scared.

 

I knew how much of myself I was going to expose and I’m always a very private person.  I share a lot, but the stuff that cuts to the core….that stuff has always been a “between me and God” thing.  Nobody knows that stuff……No.  Body!

 

That’s the stuff I wanted to heal the most, so that’s the stuff I knew I was going to be sharing.

 

Am I still scared?  Hell yeah!  Am I doing it anyway?  Yep!

 

Why?  Because I know a lot of women feel like I used to.  I know way too many women feel like they aren’t enough.  And, I’ll scream to the top of my lungs that they are worthy…..just the way you are.

 

I know I’m just as worthy at 575 pounds as I will be at 175!  I didn’t know that before.  I do now and in order for me to do my part in showing other women that….I have no choice but to share the dark parts.

 

Strangely enough, the more I put myself out there, the less scared I’m becoming.  Who’da thunk it?

 

Do you have something you’re not doing?  Why?  Is it just because you’re scared?  What would you do if you weren’t scared?  What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

 

Be scared….that’s ok.  But you’ve gotta be scared…and do it anyway!

 

Are you like me?  Are you hiding?  What are you hiding from?

 

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Yeah baby!!! It’s my birthday!!!


 
My birthday was two days ago.
 
Look at the picture, does it look like I was having fun?  ‘Cause I did!  Ignore the little munchkins behind me.  They were just being nosey.
 
My daughter, the baby grands, and my nephew weren’t able to be there.  That really made me sad.
 
But, all in all….I really enjoyed my birthday.
 
At 12:00 exactly, my friend my Mississippi called.  I talked to him for a good while.
 
Then, all hell broke loose at around 8am.  EVERYbody called, texted, sent Facebook birthday wishes and Instagram DMs blew ALL the way up!  If you missed it, don’t worry, I’ll be accepting all gifts and wishes all year!
 
Y’all really know how to make a girl feel good.  My cheeks hurt from smiling so much!
 
I didn’t eat all day.  I did that on purpose because I knew we were going to my favorite Mexican restaurant and I was going to kill it!  I mean, we all know calories don’t count on your birthday, right?  Shhhh, let’s just roll with that.  Don’t burst my bubble.
 
So we get to the restaurant and get seated.  We’re laughing and joking as we normally do.  We’re talking about my sister’s upcoming wedding.
 
We’re filling up on guacamole, chips, and salsa.  Then the food comes out.  Baaaaaby, when I tell you, there is nothing like Texas Fajitas!  Um, um, um!!  Lawd hammercy!!  If you’ve never had steak, shrimp, and chicken on your fajitas, what are you doing with your life?!! I mean just look at ’em!
 

 
Now you know I couldn’t eat it without being topped with mushrooms and cheese.  *drooling*  It’s like I can hear the sizzling all over again.  I mean come on!!!!!  Have you ever?!!  *heart eyes*
 
Goodness!  Just looking at this picture made me want some more right now!  Don’t go back there right now.  Don’t order them again.  Turn away Mikki.  Turn away!!!  Click off Mik!  Dammit woman, click off dammit!!!!!
 
*deep breath*
 
Ok, I’m better now.
 
Now, what was I saying?  Oh yeah.
 
So we eat, right?  Needless to say that the chips, guac, and salsa basically filled us up.  So, we get to-go containers and now we’re ready for the cake.
 
Let me tell you, if you’ve never had the Strawberry Peach Sensation cake from Publix, *wiping drool* something is wrong with you!
 
I mean…..come on!!  Look at it!!
 
Image result for strawberry peach sensation publix
 
Ours had the almonds on the side because my sister is allergic to nuts, so this is a photo from the Publix website, but baaaaby…that cake is so good!  It’s a really light cake too.  It’s not dense at all. It has whipped cream frosting, so that’s not heavy either.  I’m not getting paid for this, but if you’re ever in Publix, make sure you get one.  It’s my favorite of all the ones they make.
 
Alright, I bet you’re tired of me talking about the food. Well, hell, I’m a foodie, what do you expect?  *sticking tongue out*
 
Ok, so I leave the restaurant and my family right, well, I’m still friends with my ex that just so happens to be my favorite relationship.  On the way home we started talking on the phone.  The next thing I know, it’s 4 and a half hours later and we’re still talking. I’m like, “Boy! Get off’a my phone!” It was too funny. He’s a sweetie pie.  We didn’t really talk about anything particular, just old times, you know….laughing and talking smack to each other.  Of all my past relationships, he really was the best.
 
Anyway, that was my birthday in a nutshell.  It wan’t anything spectacular to the average person, but for me….it was everything!
 
I know you’re tired of reading about a bunch of rambling, so I’m gonna stop now. I just had to share my birthday with ya.
 
I hope your May 24th was a good as mine! Now…..