, ,

Why You Gain Weight


I know you’ve been there.  We all have.


You’ve been “good” all week.  You’re excited to step on the scale.  You step on it and then BAM!!!!  It’s a gain.


You step off like, “Oh I know that’s not right.”  You get back on.  It’s the same….a gain.  WTF?!!!!


You get off….pissed off.  It’s totally unexpected.  Don’t worry, I gotcha covered.  It’s not your fault.  It’s the universe.  This is what happened.


This is why you gained.


  1. Overeating.
  2. Under eating.
  3. Salt.
  4. Lack of salt.
  5. TOM (time of the month)
  6. Not-TOM
  7. You are wearing green.
  8. You are not wearing green.
  9. Exercise.
  10. Lack of exercise.
  11. It’s Thursday, Tuesday, Monday, Saturday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday.
  12. Pre-menopause.
  13. Post-menopause.
  14. You’re having a good hair day.
  15. You’re having a bad hair day.
  16. You used more hairspray/gel/mousse than normal.
  17. You don’t even have hair.
  18. You have tennis shoes on instead of sandals.
  19. You have sandals on instead of tennis shoes.
  20. You forgot to take your shoes off.
  21. The sun is shining.
  22. It’s raining.
  23. You forgot to use your turn signal when you were turning into the parking lot at your weigh-in.
  24. You don’t even drive.
  25. Because the sky was blue and you ate a cookie.
  26. The sky wasn’t blue and there were no cookies.
  27. Too little sleep.
  28. Too much sleep.
  29. Heavy clothes
  30. Light clothes
  31. Heavy wig
  32. Heavy dentures
  33. No teeth at all.
  34. Lint in pockets
  35. No pockets
  36. Chewing gum in your mouth
  37. A bag of M&M in your pants.
  38. You didn’t take your glasses off your head.
  39. You don’t even wear glasses.
  40. Because you bought a charm to celebrate your 10-lb loss the week before.
  41. And it apparently weighs 2.6 lbs.
  42. Because you’re wearing jeans.
  43. Because you had to eat dinner before you weighed in.
  44. You haven’t eaten in a week.
  45. You were wearing flared pants.
  46. There were serious solar flares causing minute fluctuations in the gravitational pull of the earth.
  47. When it’s too hot, your weight gain is because your body’s holding on to the water.
  48. After all, it needs to hydrate itself, doesn’t it?
  49. When it’s cold, your weight gain is because your body is holding on to food to use as heat.
  50. When the temperature is just right, your weight gain is because of … ummmmm…. uhhhhh…Alien invasion!!


Remember, it’s not what you did, it’s what’s you’re going to do next.


Just keep pushing grasshopper!