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What’s different this time?

 

If I had to list all of the diets I’ve tried, we’d both be here for the next ten years..just to list them.

 

It’s crazy how many it’s been.   To give you some idea of a few of ’em, I’ve tried….let’s see I’ve tried

 

  • Weight Watchers
  • Jenny Craig
  • Nutrisystem
  • the juice cleanse
  • the potato cleanse
  • the cabbage soup diet
  • the watermelon diet
  • high carb
  • low carb
  • no carb
  • paleo
  • South Beach
  • Atkins
  • Zone
  • volumetrics

 

It even got so bad that I started binging and purging for short time.  Nope, this one wasn’t a diet, it was an eating disorder.  I told you, I’ve tried every thing.

 

I’ve even seriously considered weight loss surgery.  So much so, I was filming to be on the My 600-lb Life TV show.  That’s a story by itself.  Don’t worry, as soon as my contract is over, oh I’m spilling all the beans about that whole thing. *eyeroll*

 

Let’s just say, I wasn’t on the show….for good reason.  But, it was a huge blessing to film for it.  I’ll get into that then too.

 

Don’t cut me.  *giggle*  I HAAAAAAAATE when people start to tell me a story and then say they’ll tell me later.  I’d be ready to cut some folks.  *evil eye*   It’s not my fault though.  The contract won’t let me talk about it yet…so blame them.  *sweet innocent puppy dog eyes*

 

Ok, before I get too far along that tangent.

 

I’m the first one to admit that every single diet I’ve tried worked.  Yep, you read me right.  That’s what I said.  They.  All.  Worked.

 

The problem was, when I stopped the diet and started eating normally again, I found all of the weight I’d lost…and then some.

 

I’d lose 20 pounds and then gain 50 back.  I mean the pounds didn’t even have the common decency to stay away..and when they came back, they had the nerve to bring their funky lil friends with ’em!

 

It was so defeating.  Go on a diet.  Lose weight.  Go off the diet.  Gain weight.  Gain some more weight.  Feel defeated.  Repeat.

 

That was my life for at least the last 15 years.  It got me no where.

 

That leads me to now.  Now, it’s different.  Now, I’m not dieting.

 

My only concern now is really just eating real food, moving a little more everyday, and dealing with the bullshit that got me to 575 pounds in the first place.

 

To me, that’s the key. If I can truly heal everything that made me overeat to begin with, weight loss will be a side effect.  It will become effortless.

 

It will probably take longer to lose the weight, but I’m ok with that.

 

I don’t wanna just lose weight.  I wanna heal.

 

I don’t wanna be skinny.  I want to be healthy.

 

That’s my goal.  That’s what’s different.

 

Now, I know I can do anything I want.  That’s what’s different.

 

Now, I know I can create the life I want.  That’s what’s different.

 

Now, I know life doesn’t just happen.  I create it.  That’s what’s different.

 

Now, I know it’s about being able to handle my emotions…and not eating them.  That’s what’s different.

 

Now, I know that food is fuel…and not therapy!  That’s what’s different.

 

And for me, that’s mind blowing.

 

How can things be different for you? 
 
You ready? Let’s get to it!
  

 

5 replies
  1. Melissa C
    Melissa C says:

    Very inspiring. I’m considering wls because I’ve realized I will never just be able to eat normal and be healthy. I can’t have a burger one day and it be okay. I will forever have to work overtime to see and achieve my goals.

    Reply
    • Mikki
      Mikki says:

      Hey Melissa!!!
      First, thank you so much for your kind words!

      I used to think the same thing. It’s possible. It’s VERY possible that you can eat “normal”. It might not look like everyone else’s “normal”, but you can break free from it. Girl, if I can do it….trust….ANY one can.

      I used to be a BIG time over eater. Now, I still have times when I still do, but they’re few and far between and they’ve become deliberate when I do. I’m working on something now that I should have ready by August that will help. <3

      Also, there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with wls either. If you choose to do that, girl go for it!!! I know a lot of people that are having major success with it.

      Reply
  2. Christina Holzberger
    Christina Holzberger says:

    Love the new format. And dieting is never a long term solution anyway. That’s how I got myself an eating disorder and lost the ability to eat without counting calories to know how “full” I was. I found getting a handle on WHEN I eat helps the most. I wake up real early for work, so I eat breakfast early (8am). Lunch around noon. Snakc/dinner around 230-3. Work keeps me busy till 530-6, and commuting home puts me at 7pm. I’m asleep by 9-10, so I know even if I feel hungry, I don’t NEED any calories to sleep. After a year, I can say, food doesn’t usually cross myind at night. And that helps tremendously. Eating a big meal an hour for bed? Ugh, gross. Heartburn and indigestion and feeling bloated and uncomfortable? Nope. Fridays or special event I cheat if I have to (family dinner out late in evening for example), but I notice my desire to eat wanes too at that time. Make it routine that eating around X time isn’t routine, and you’ll stop craving anything then. Set times to eat, and know you can choose whatever you want at that time, and the desire to binge goes away because you’ll know, every day you can choose something delicious, as long as it’s during the usual time. It takes a while to ssjist but trust me, it works. I was fucked up for about three years after binge eating took over. But it’s possible to make the changes. Do it slow.

    Reply
    • Mikki
      Mikki says:

      Hey Christina!!!
      Thank you girly!

      When I did the binge and purge, I knew I was heading to something dangerous and it scared the pee outta me. I’m glad it didn’t last long.

      That is a great idea…to concentrate on the “when” instead of the “what”. For me, what’s working is concentrating on the “why” instead of the “what”. I was a HUGE emotional eater. Happy? I ate. Sad? I ate. Bored? I ate. It’s been over a year for me too and when I sit down and figure out what’s really going on in this noggin of mine, the want to eat leaves…or at least subsides so that I can figure out a way to change it.

      And, taking it slow is a DEFINITE must. I was waaaay into the “immediate response” of it all and it screwed me up more than anything.

      Girl you have said a mouthful!! I love it.

      Reply

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