Sometimes ya just gotta look fear in the face and say screw it….then do it anyway!
It’s no secret that doing this blog scared the piss outta me. I mean…seriously….I’ve been “working on it” for over a year. I found every reason to not launch it. Basically, I wanted to keep hiding and just not say anything.
I was scared of what people would say. Not everyone, but people that knew about my previous blog? Yeah, them. I thought everyone would say, “Here we go again. She’s never done it before and she’s not going to do it now.”
Once I stopped giving a shit about what others would think, the self doubt came in full force.
What if I’m sharing too much? What if no one pays attention? What if no one cares? What if what I want to do…..doesn’t work? What if it doesn’t help anyone? What if I’m just wasting my time?
My mind was going a mile a minute.
After a major tear and snot filled meltdown, I said, “Screw it! Bump what they say! I’m scared as hell, but I’m just gonna to do it anyway!”
Within that week, I was just about ready to launch.
That’s when the epic freak out stormed in. I was so scared, I couldn’t sleep.
I didn’t sleep for like 38 hours. Baby, I was so sleepy that I was delirious. It was so bad I swore I started hearing colors. I finally couldn’t think straight and had to force myself. Three Tylenol PMs later, I passed out.
When I woke up 15 hours later, I knew I had to just do it. I had to launch it. It was taking too much of my effort. It wasn’t even ready, but I launched it.
Truth be told, it’s still not done. But, it’s up. And because it’s up, it’s making me face my fears and just keep going.
I was blown away at the response. I only showed it to about 50 people. Not even my close people knew. The ones that saw it went crazy!
It was an outpouring of love and support. It blew me away. Maybe I was buggin’ out. Maybe I was putting more into it than I should have.
Hearing them made me say, “Mik, chill out and just launch the damn thing! You’re coming from a good place and that’s enough!”
So, I did it. I launched it and told my people. I posted it to my personal page and my fanpage. Even more love and support came. But, I was still scared.
I knew how much of myself I was going to expose and I’m always a very private person. I share a lot, but the stuff that cuts to the core….that stuff has always been a “between me and God” thing. Nobody knows that stuff……No. Body!
That’s the stuff I wanted to heal the most, so that’s the stuff I knew I was going to be sharing.
Am I still scared? Hell yeah! Am I doing it anyway? Yep!
Why? Because I know a lot of women feel like I used to. I know way too many women feel like they aren’t enough. And, I’ll scream to the top of my lungs that they are worthy…..just the way you are.
I know I’m just as worthy at 575 pounds as I will be at 175! I didn’t know that before. I do now and in order for me to do my part in showing other women that….I have no choice but to share the dark parts.
Strangely enough, the more I put myself out there, the less scared I’m becoming. Who’da thunk it?
Do you have something you’re not doing? Why? Is it just because you’re scared? What would you do if you weren’t scared? What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Be scared….that’s ok. But you’ve gotta be scared…and do it anyway!
Are you like me? Are you hiding? What are you hiding from?
