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Why You Gain Weight


I know you’ve been there.  We all have.


You’ve been “good” all week.  You’re excited to step on the scale.  You step on it and then BAM!!!!  It’s a gain.


You step off like, “Oh I know that’s not right.”  You get back on.  It’s the same….a gain.  WTF?!!!!


You get off….pissed off.  It’s totally unexpected.  Don’t worry, I gotcha covered.  It’s not your fault.  It’s the universe.  This is what happened.


This is why you gained.


  1. Overeating.
  2. Under eating.
  3. Salt.
  4. Lack of salt.
  5. TOM (time of the month)
  6. Not-TOM
  7. You are wearing green.
  8. You are not wearing green.
  9. Exercise.
  10. Lack of exercise.
  11. It’s Thursday, Tuesday, Monday, Saturday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday.
  12. Pre-menopause.
  13. Post-menopause.
  14. You’re having a good hair day.
  15. You’re having a bad hair day.
  16. You used more hairspray/gel/mousse than normal.
  17. You don’t even have hair.
  18. You have tennis shoes on instead of sandals.
  19. You have sandals on instead of tennis shoes.
  20. You forgot to take your shoes off.
  21. The sun is shining.
  22. It’s raining.
  23. You forgot to use your turn signal when you were turning into the parking lot at your weigh-in.
  24. You don’t even drive.
  25. Because the sky was blue and you ate a cookie.
  26. The sky wasn’t blue and there were no cookies.
  27. Too little sleep.
  28. Too much sleep.
  29. Heavy clothes
  30. Light clothes
  31. Heavy wig
  32. Heavy dentures
  33. No teeth at all.
  34. Lint in pockets
  35. No pockets
  36. Chewing gum in your mouth
  37. A bag of M&M in your pants.
  38. You didn’t take your glasses off your head.
  39. You don’t even wear glasses.
  40. Because you bought a charm to celebrate your 10-lb loss the week before.
  41. And it apparently weighs 2.6 lbs.
  42. Because you’re wearing jeans.
  43. Because you had to eat dinner before you weighed in.
  44. You haven’t eaten in a week.
  45. You were wearing flared pants.
  46. There were serious solar flares causing minute fluctuations in the gravitational pull of the earth.
  47. When it’s too hot, your weight gain is because your body’s holding on to the water.
  48. After all, it needs to hydrate itself, doesn’t it?
  49. When it’s cold, your weight gain is because your body is holding on to food to use as heat.
  50. When the temperature is just right, your weight gain is because of … ummmmm…. uhhhhh…Alien invasion!!


Remember, it’s not what you did, it’s what’s you’re going to do next.


Just keep pushing grasshopper!


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100+ Reasons To Lose Weight

It never fails.  You start to eat healthy or working out and someone asks you why do you want to lose weight?
My normal answer is ummmmm ’cause I wanna live!  Duh!
After I stopped being a smart ass, I sat down and really thought about it.
I said to myself, I said, “Self?”  Myself said, “Huh?”  I said, “Why do you want to lose weight…for real, for real?”
So, that made me start writing down what my real reasons were. Then I thought, heeeey….it might help you too.
I mean, I know I want to be healthy, but what’s going to keep me going day to day?
You know I’m a talker, so I came up with a LOT! Some people would come up with about 10-25. Me? Nope!
What do you think? Did I forget anything?

  1. To have more energy.
  2. To not have people move to the side when I walk past them in the corridor.
  3. To be able to run.
  4. To buy normal size clothes off the rack.
  5. To step foot in ‘normal’ clothing stores.
  6. To wear jeans.
  7. To wear smaller lingerie.
  8. To fit comfortably into a plane seat.
  9. To be able to wear calf length boots (the big legs yanno?) 
  10. To be “fine-ER”.
  11. To feel better about myself and my body.
  12. To have sex standing up!
  13. So I won’t always think people are talking about me.
  14. To fit into booths without getting that “squished” feeling.
  15. To not be out of breath after or during “normal” activities.
  16. To not have to worry about my pants wear thin between my thighs.
  17. No more elastic waistbands!
  18. To be able to cross my arms sitting down without having them rest on my belly.
  19. To be able to cross my legs.
  20. To want my full-body picture taken.
  21. To be able to say that I did it!
  22. To live a longer, healthier life.
  23. To be able to wrap a normal-sized towel around myself.
  24. To be able to wear cuter, more stylish store bought clothes.
  25. So when I see someone from my past that I had a crush on I can rub it in their face.
  26. I don’t want to be the “big girl”.
  27. So I can prove all the people that said I can’t do it wrong.
  28. Victoria’s Secret..nuff said!
  29. So I can wear the skinny high heels instead of the wider ones.
  30. To be able to wear a bathing suit without shame or a T-shirt over it.
  31. So I won’t feel so tired all of the time.
  32. Thigh-high boots! (Just a wee bit of the freak in me.)
  33. To be able to enjoy sex more! (its good now, but the thought of standing on my head too?)
  34. So I won’t always have to be worrying about if you could see my “rolls”.
  35. No more double chin!
  36. Tie both my shoes without having to take a break between them with both feet on the floor.
  37. See my ‘kitty cat’ without having to look in the mirror.
  38. Lie flat on my back without feeling that my boobies are trying to suffocate me.
  39. To learn to swim.
  40. To swim to the bottom of a swimming pool (I am so buoyant now I can’t get to the bottom).
  41. Buy a size that doesn’t have any X’s in it.
  42. To sit down in the tub without touching the side.
  43. Not have to use the handicapped bathroom in a store because I don’t have enough room in the regular stalls.
  44. Not have to grease my ass to fit into the seats in a movie theater.
  45. Wear seat belts in the back seat of a car.
  46. Ride a bicycle again.
  47. Go bra-less in public (I am not holding my breath on this one).
  48. Walking…just being able to walk long distances  with ease.
  49. Jogging…(it’s hard to believe I will ever jog!)
  50. Sex!….nuff said.
  51. Having control over me! Enjoying food.
  52. Climbing stairs.
  53. Realizing that I am worth the effort it takes.
  54. Knowing that ‘screwing up’ one day, one week…even a year….will not make or break me.
  55. Seeing my doctor’s face every time I see him!
  56. Realizing that I can get back on program just as quickly as I came off.
  57. Every aspect of my health improving.
  58. Realizing I never really grew up….and that I never want to!
  59. People I know walking right past me because they don’t recognize me. (I can’t wait for this one!)
  60. Knowing that the people I care most about have only benefited from me putting myself first.
  61. Learning how to forgive myself for not being perfect.
  62. Knowing how good I feel when I treat my body right.
  63. Watching people’s faces when I tell them how much weight I’ve lost.
  64. For people that ask if they can ‘touch me’ to feel inspired to lose weight.
  65. Learning that the small things make such a difference.
  66. Going on rides at the amusement park..and fitting.
  67. Being aware that it’s the quality of my life that matters most.
  68. Not being so afraid of getting the diabetes that runs in my family.
  69. To get a full hug!
  70. Knowing that I am doing the best that I can do for myself.
  71. Fitting through turnstiles.
  72. People actually offering me food.
  73. Being able to weight myself on a regular scale.
  74. Wearing something and actually liking how I look in it!
  75. Being able to shop in the ‘normal’ section of a store.
  76. Having a lap!
  77. Not being afraid of breaking the chair by sitting in it.
  78. Being able to sit comfortably.
  79. Finding bones I never knew I had!
  80. Finding muscles I never knew I had!
  81. Sleeping better and waking up more refreshed.
  82. Setting a good example for my loved ones and being able to teach them the tools for good health.
  83. Knowing nothing tastes as good as I feel.
  84. Knowing how proud my grandmother would have been of me for taking control.
  85. Having the benefit of ‘being there’ and not judging others because of their size!
  86. The attention I get from men! Yup, I love it!
  87. Being empowered enough to realize that I can do anything I set my mind to!
  88. Being able to help and inspire other people to help themselves as I continue help myself.
  89. My mate being able to pick carry me to the bed. (Could you imagine?)
  90. Having leftovers!
  91. Wearing sexy-er lingerie.
  92. My knees being so much happier!
  93. My ankles being so much happier!
  94. My hips being so much happier!
  95. Being cold all the time…instead of sweating all of the time like I do.
  96. To have my feet quit going to sleep when I sit for a long time.
  97. The woman who said…. “WOW…you mean you used to really be that BIG?”
  98. No more broken toilet seats.
  99. Having my “before” picture tattooed on my forehead.
  100. The track marks on my treadmill!
  101. Being able to jump up and into an 18″ window after locking myself out of my house!
  102. To not just exist through life…..but to LIVE!
  103. Someone actually telling me they want to look like me.
  104. To feel proud and in control of my life!! (This is the most important one!)

Whew! That was a lot huh? I wonder how many more I’ll think of later.