So you want to know all about me huh? Awwww, I’m honored! *blushing*
First, let me warn ya….my story may be a bit much for some folks. I’m going to really be spilling my guts. And, this is not just about me losing weight….it’s about me tearing down the walls that have confined me all my life. It’s about me finally discovering who I am….and fighting to become the person I know I’m destined to be. So buckle up buttercup….it’s gonna get bumpy sometimes. .
Who I am….
I’m a rebellious big girl that’s on a mission to unlearn all the bullshit that I’ve always believed about who I was and who I should be…..trying to conform to what I thought everyone wanted me to be.
I’m letting go of the self imposed expectation to be perfect. Or, better yet, driving myself crazy thinking I had to be as close to perfect as I could. I’m not even trying to be perfect anymore. I mean, who even does that?!!!! Turns out…I did. *shrugs shoulders*
Just as a side note….once you get to know me, you’ll find out that your girl is a true introvert! I know, I know….I bet you didn’t see that coming!
Anyway, let’s get down to business. I’m reclaiming my life. I’m on a mission to lose over 450 pounds. It’s high time I become the woman I know I’m supposed to be! And you, my friend, are coming along for the ride.
Brace yourself. This mission is about raw, unfiltered truths of massive weight loss. You’re going to see the truth. Sometimes too much truth…..waaaaay too much truth. So, get ready. I’m going to be real AF and normally, only the real can handle that.
Before I go too far, I’ve already done a lot of amazing stuff. I’ve kicked a lot of depression’s ass. Don’t worry, there are still some nooks and crannies that mofo is hiding in…that I haven’t discovered. I’ve fallen head over heels in love with myself, and I’ve already inspired other women to start loving themselves, and I want to help many more. I’ve heard it several times. “Mikki, you make me want to love me, just by being you!”
How freggin dope is that?!!!
Who I was…
As proud of who I am now…there was a time I was a hot ass mess. I felt worthless. I loathed myself, and I felt like I didn’t even deserve to breathe.
- Being molested as a little girl.
- Being uprooted from the only home I knew at 14.
- Being pregnant at 15.
- Dropping out of high school.
- Being raped multiple times.
- Being held against my will at gunpoint.
- Giving all of who I was to every man I’ve ever loved, as long as they were happy it was ok for me to be miserable.
- Being brainwashed by several men to think I deserved being mentally abused.
- Discovering I was engaged to a child molester.
- Dealing with my daughter being a run-a-way
- Feeling like a failure as a mother
- Losing one of my best friends within 24 hours of finding out he was sick.
- Losing my best friend, less than 3 months later to suicide.
- Being on death’s door from the flu and bi-lateral pneumonia
- Being intubated for 3 weeks and in the hospital for a month for it
- Having to learn how to walk again…at 600 pounds….from that sickness
Needless to say, I’ve had my fair share of dark moments. Life threw me some major shit balls, but guess what? I’m still here!!
I learned to cope by eating my feelings and I did just that….all the way up to 626 pounds. It’s no wonder I tried to kill myself several times. I mean, seriously, after all of that bullshit, who wouldn’t?
But, here’s the twist – it’s not in spite of all of this , it’s because of all of this that I’m where I am now! A few years ago, I knew I had to change. I was in a severe depression for over 15 years and I was tired.
I was tired of hurting. I was tired of crying. I was tired of feeling worthless. I was tired of being stuck in that shit show that I called a life. I was tired of being sick and tired!
I was fat…I was frustrated…..and, I was fed up!
Who I’m becoming…
That’s when I knew something had to change. It hit me. That’s when I realized that I didn’t want to die. I just wanted to stop the pain. I didn’t know how, when, or what to do….but I knew that something had to change.
Something had to give and it was all up to me! So, I put my big girl panties on, sucked it up, and became hell bent on fixing me!
That’s when it started.
I cried, fought, screamed, scratched, and jumped right on up out of that misery pit!! I knew that no matter how much weight I would lose, if my mental part wasn’t right, I would gain all the weight back…again….and it would all be for nothing. But, this time is different….I am dead set on getting my shit together and nothing or no one is going to stop me!
It hasn’t been a pretty ride so far. I’ve got battle scars from here to Timbuktu! But now, I wear them with pride…they’re my badges of honor. As a matter of fact…they’re quite cute, thank ya very much! *batting eyelashes*
I’ve learned some mind blowing stuff along so far and now, I’m here to finish what I started and share what I learned…and the stuff I’m continuing to learn. This stuff is just too good to keep to myself. I’ve got to share it!
I went against the grain and fell madly in love with me….even being over 600 pounds! Guess what….you can love yourself too! I mean, look at me, I’m living proof that self-love is possible, no matter what size you are!
Now that my mind is finally on the right track, it’s time to take care of my body to lose the weight. It’s time to make my outer self with my inner badass.
It’s time I finish getting my shit together. And, I’m hoping…..by seeing me defying the odds…..you’ll start to get your shit together too!
Why this blog?
This blog….this space….MY space….this is my battlefield and I’m not going to sugarcoat a damn thing! I’m not all “warm and fuzzy” with myself…in real life, so I’m not going to be here either.
For too damn long, I’ve carried the weight…both physical and emotional…. that I allowed this screwed up world to put on my shoulders. But now, I’m dropping those chains and flipping ’em the finger. I’m going to rewrite my story. I’m rewriting my story, figuring out the shit show inside my head and figure out the how to create the life that I know I deserve!
Here’s the thing though…..this ain’t just about me! I’m doing this for every woman who’s ever felt unworthy….that feels invisible……that feels crushed by the weight of their own reflection! I’m doing this for US! By exposing my shit show….I hope it inspires you to see that it’s possible for you too. I’m hope it lights a fire under your ass so you break free from your own shit show and start to create the dope life YOU deserve!
This mission ….MY MISSION…..starts….right the hell now!!!!!
You ready? Let’s do this!